Consider the adoption option
Janette Roy

We may not all be faced with the question of whether or not to give up a child from an unwanted pregnancy, but most of us will end up wanting and conceiving a child of our own, and, in this process, I ask you to consider another option.

How much do you care for the relationship you have with your parent(s)? What if you found out tomorrow you were born to another woman or you had a different father? After dealing with the primary emotions you are bound to feel, do you think your biological mother or father could have cared for you any more?

Do you think they did anything that wasn't in your best interest because they loved you? Adoptive parents feel the same passion and ferocity for their children that biological parents feel.

It's a special feeling to have a miniature you running around with all of your traits, but think of all the children out there who won't know what life is like in a stable, supportive home with parents who love them.

You also have to consider whether or not you are the right type of person to go through an adoption. Parenting an adopted child is different than parenting your biological child. You need to be sure you can accept and deal with those differences you are bound to face and that you can help your child deal with them as well.

You also need to be sure your family, friends and community can deal with these differences and will support you throughout this venture. I call it a venture because it really is. For those of us who aren't adopted, we have no frame of reference for how to handle this delicate situation.

If the child is from another country, there might be physical differences that will have to be explained. If you decide you want to adopt a child of a certain age, say between seven and 10, then there might be confusion from the child due to the lack of baby pictures.

Then there is the adoptive parents' everlasting fear: what if the child wants to look for the biological parents and forgets about them? Or, even worse, what if the child finds their biological parents and is hurt due to rejection or an incomprehensible reason for giving them up? These hardships are not only difficult to handle, but most of us have no experience handling them at all.

At least when a child falls and hurts themselves for the first time, you can always remember what your mother did and apply it to the situation.

However, it's scary not knowing what to do, especially if it is your first child. It's something worth considering, not only for the benefit of the child but for your benefit as well.

Adoption is now an easier process to go through with the higher pregnancy rate among teenagers. However, all of the rumours about the waiting time are true. It takes about eight years to go through with a public adoption, that is, one through an adoption agency. There are other options though.

The private adoption is becoming more and more popular. This occurs when a prospective couple knows of a mother who is willing to put her child up for adoption and the couple is willing to take care of the baby. This option, as you can imagine, takes considerably less time.

Couples go as far as sending requests to universities for information about any mother in this situation. Then there is the issue of money. Yes, it is expensive. You have to pay just to obtain a child then handle all of the expenses for the rest of the child's life. This is a major deterrent for most parents.

There is no set price for a child, as they are priceless in value. However, the cost put on such a valuable item is about $20-25,000. These are also serious issues to consider when debating whether or not to adopt.

If only we could count the number of lives adoption has made better and how many children were made happy by this process, the decision might be easier. All we can ever expect is that people try and do their best.

No one is perfect, but the emphasis needs to be on the fact you tried to make a loving home for someone who wouldn't have had so otherwise.